Home is where the heart is...

I always thought i would love the idea of going away to college. My parents were never over protective in school, they always wanted to know what was going on, but they let me do things, they knew i would be smart about my decisions. Last year i loved the idea of college....i partied wayy too much, leaving me with a nasty case of mono. However this year, I am missing home more then anything.

For the past 2 months, i have going home any chance i can get. I just like the comfort of being home with people who i've known for a while and friends that will always be there. I am never one to be friends with a bunch of girls. Drama is not my thing, rather I have always been friends with guys! I miss all of my guys from home so much, i never have laughed as much as i have when im with them. They know excatly how to cheer me up.

Since the accident, i have been wanting to go home so much. Just the thought be being with my parents is just comforting. I dont feel safe here for some reason. It's scary, i wish i could just live my life without a care, but here i am afraid of so much more. School has never been a strong thing in my life, in high school i was pretty much c's and b's. But here i do so much worse. I am trying to do more work and get higher grades, but i just feel like my heart is at home, no matter how hard i try to live here.

More Update

On Friday, I went to health services, so that they could look over me also. The training room, wanted me to go there, so that they could determine how long I would be out for. I saw the doctor and he was very nice. He ran some more tests on me, some that I have never done before, and the hardest one, counting back from 100 by 7's.

He made me tell him all about the accident, which kind of made me upset, because it's hard to describe it so much, especially since its my fault. I finally got through telling him about the accident, then he made me tell him about my symptoms and ran more and more tests.

After he did all the testing, we talked for about 30 minutes just going over everything. He knew I wasn't okay and wasn't about to let me walk out of there, opening my life up for some more hurting. After about 30 minutes, he finally told me, some bad news, I am not allowed to play for another whole month! I am so frustrated. I have been watching practice for a week now, and its horrible!

I love hockey, its my favorite thing to do, anytime any day, but now i despise going to watch practice and watching my teammates lift. It's so hard, I just want to be out there, everything that i have been working towards, is just going down the drain. But here I am, sitting out, resting, trying to get better, so hopefully I'll be back before a month!

accident update

On Tuesday I was sent to the emergency room. I have a beyond horrible headache, no balance, spotting in my eyes, nausea, and loud noises and bright lights hurt my ears and eyes. I knew I had a concussion, however, I was unsure on how bad it actually was.

My friend Shannon, took me to the ER, as usual, I saw some strange people there. As we were pulling in, a girl was being escorted by two policemen, it was believed that she had a drug overdose, as one of the policemen had a bunch of prescription bottles in his hand.

They took me in and ran some basic tests. They then took me into the CT room, and for about 10 minutes I had to sit as still as I possibly could. It's not the first time I've had a CT so, I knew what went on, and how still I had to sit, but it was still hard, all I wanted to do, is get rid of the pain in my head. The CT scans came out okay, meaning my head wasn't bleeding on the inside or anything. The doctor finally came in after about 2 hours and finally ran some tests on me.

He made me preform some standardized Concussion tests. I was at that moment diagonsed with a Grade 3 Concussion(aka. the worst). He sent me home with a prescription for painkillers, and told me to get a ton of rest, and try not to use my brain, just let it heal; but as a college student, how often can you not use your brain...never! I am still in pain and my head is still spinning, but it's getting better slowly everyday.

scary saturday

Saturday morning was one of the most scariest times of my life. I was in my first bad car accident. I was driving down Ridge Rd in Greece, NY, when the cars in front of me came to a sudden stop. I was reaching down to grab a cd that i dropped when i looked down for a split second and BAM! next thing i know I'm sitting in my car in the middle of a main road, with smoky stuff all around me. I rear ended the car in front of me, causing my airbags to go off, in which black smoky stuff, came out of it and filled my car, not only did it make it hard to see, but it also smelled horrible. I was in such shock, that i had no idea what to do at the time. My head was in a million and one places and all that ran through my head was, why me?!? I finally got myself out of the car and went outside to talk to the guy i hit. Luckily for me, the guy was very nice and we decided it was best to get off the road and over into a parking lot. We got over into the parking lot, and i called my mom, meanwhile I'm shaking uncontrollably and crying like i just got my hand chopped off. My mom immediately left my house and came out to Greece, which is about 25 min away from home. When she got there, i ran to her, just to feel something safe. I was still in shock, so i don't remember much of what went on. I remember sitting outside of the car waiting for my mom to get there, then her and my dad showed up, but that is about it. I guess we exchanged insurance numbers and everything with the guy and decided to get the cars checked out to see how much it was going to be, then to go from there. I had an immediate headache and my stomach was very weak. It was the scariest thing in my life, and i never want to drive again.

my life...

Tomorrow will be the start of this years hockey season. I am very excited, however, very nervous too! Because we have a new coach, the expectations will be higher then what most of my team is used to, including myself. Last year wasn't the best season, we didn't win nearly enough, or try our hardest most of the time. No one had faith in us, so it was just for fun last year. However this year, its going to be very serious. We've already have had dryland training for 3 weeks...and a week of lifting, but now its just straight ice and lifting. I'm so nervous because i know im not in nearly good shape as i should be. For some reason, all the dryland training didnt do much for me. I love hockey, its my life, yet for some reason this seasons drama is already starting, and i cant stand it. People always yelling at others, for some reason. I have never been on a all girls team til last year. I always played guys, so all this drama, im just not used to. The guys were always joking and playing around and stuff, but this, is all taking too seriously, if someone says you didnt play good today, its the end of the world, however at the guys, its like so what, ill show you up. I miss playing for the guys. They were so much fun. If someone ever tried to mess with me on the ice or hit me after the whistle or take cheap shots, they were always there to back me up.

During my senior game in high school, it was the first period and we were playing R-H. The guys were big, and strong, especially compared to our young team. But we stayed with them. About half way through the first period, after the whistle, this HUGE guy hit me from behind into the boards, head first. That's the last i remember of that game. I recieved a concussion, and was limp for a while, yet got up eventually and made my way to the bench and played the rest of the game. Once back on the bench and starting to remember a bit, i looked over and saw one of my teammates in the penalty box, and was shocked, i didn't know what happened seeing as i thought the kid who hit me from behind was the only one to get a penalty. I asked one of my defensive partners and he told me that after the kid hit me, my teammate went and knocked the hell out of the kid. I loved it.

Every single one of those kids were like my brothers out there. They backed me up, joked around with me, and did whatever they could for me. I miss playing with them so much, there was never a dull moment, it was always laughing and smiling, and we succeeded. If i could go back in time i would go back to my high school hockey team and play with them for as long as possible. There were the best i could ever imagine.

Worst day of my life.

About two weeks ago, the worst day of my life, was clearly present. It was a Sunday, and I was already having a horrible day. I went online to check my credit card balance to see when my payment was due, because since I've been at school i haven't gotten my statement in a while. When i logged online to see my balance. The minimum payment due was $345.80! This seemed absolutely impossible to me, because I haven't used it since the end of July, and i stopped using it because it was close to my credit line. I just thought that it was my fault though and totally flipped out. I didn't know what to do, i was in such shock that i just completely lost it. i didn't want to tell my parents because i was too scared. So i called my brother and asked him what to do, and he told me i had to tell them. I was talking to one of my friends about it, because she went through the exact thing, and she said that there is a company out there, that will help you out. So she gave me the number and i told her id call them in the morning. I didn't sleep at all on Sunday night, i was completely lost that i just sat in bed balling my eyes out. In the morning i was looking online at my statement and found out that a company who rips people off, committed fraud against my account! i was in such shock that i sat her and shook for the longest time! I couldn't even talk, finally my roommate found out what happened and called my mom for me to tell her. My mom was really okay about it, and she told me not to be afraid to tell her again. I spent the rest of Monday, attempting to straighten everything out, in between calling the company that ripped me off and my bank that my credit card is through. I was on the phone until 11pm that night, and was completely exhausted. In the morning i still had alot of straightening out to do, so i continued to be on the phone all day until about noon. i finally got everything straightened out and i'm waiting on getting that money back into my account. It was a horrible experience, and now i never want to have one again.

Housinggggg

On Monday, my friends Kalee and Stacey, went looking at more houses. We had a guy showing us houses of different landlords. He was very nice, and helped alot. We saw about 6 different houses, so we had a lot to choose from. This year houses were going quickly so, we knew one of the 6 houses we were going to have to pick. All three of us fell in love with a house on Clayton Ave. It's so nice and really kind of spacious. Ksto(Kalee), automatically called the biggest room. It was really big and was really cool. The roof was slanted and just made it all that much better. The second room is the smallest, and is mine. I dont really mind the size, as long as my bed, my desk and my dresser can fit in im fine. The closet for my room was across the hall but I don't mind. The third room is for Stacey, its in the front of the house and the second biggest. It got a lot of room. All three of the rooms were very nice, they were all just repainted so it was very nice. The living room is big also, it has a bay window and is connected to the kitchen. The kitchen is bigger also, and the bathroom is right off the kitchen. In all i loved the house. It's upstairs so it will be quieter for when we have to wake up early for early morning practices next year, and even have a place for our hockey equipment downstairs, away from our rooms, so we wont be able to smell it. Most likely tomorrow we will be signing the lease, so I am very excited!

Savannah!

On Sunday, I woke up early, and got a head start. I had a lot of homework to do, and a ton of errands to run. I first went to the pharmacy to get my prescription, after that I went down to see my Grandparents, because my Grandmother was sick, She was unable to come to my cousins soccer games. After seeing her I went out to Greece, on my way to see Kelly, Brandon and Savannah! On my way there, my mom called me to tell me that Visiting hours don't actually start until 11am! So around the corner is the mall, so i went there for a few hours and just window shopped and bought some candle things for the room! About 11:15 i left to go to the hospital! Before going into the maternity ward, i stopped in the gift shop and got her this little balloon with a pink bow and candy, that said its a girl with rubber duckies! I was so excited! Finally I went into her room and there i saw was Brandon holding this beautiful little girl! She was so tiny and so gorgeous! I went in, and the room looked totally different from the night before. All the machines were out and there were pictures covering the holes in the wall that the machines plugged into. Savannah absolutely took my breathe away. I have never see my friend Kelly more happier before either! I got to hold Savannah twice! She was sleeping, i figured, after all she had a very rough night and all. As soon as she was born they took her to the neonatal center to keep an eye on her because her heart rate was dropping randomly. They brought her back into the room at 6am. Kelly didn't want her sleeping, she just wanted to enjoy her and all! While i was there, Brandon changed her into a little one-z that was roca-wear. It was so cute and she looked adorable in it! I was sad when i had to leave. I just wanted to hold her forever! But this next weekend i will be going home, and seeing her again hopefully!

Babyyyyy

On Sunday, September 30th 2007, My best friend from home, Kelly, gave birth to her first child, a baby girl. She was born at 3:13am and weighed 8 pounds and 1 oz. She was 19in long and beautiful as can be! Kelly and her Fiancee Brandon named her Savannah Ann. Although Savannah is beautiful and absolutely to die for, she was one tough delivery. Back on September 9th, at her baby shower, no one including her doctor thought that she was going to make it past the following week. The baby was dropping and she was nesting. However, she made it almost to her due date of October 9th. I have been extremely excited for Savannah to come, since the day I found out, back on Mothers day. My friend is so petite that having the big baby bump, was absolutely adorable on her. The night before she had Savannah, we all thought that she was going to have her that night. My mother and I were at my twin cousins soccer games. My cousins are fraternal twins, one boy and one girl, they both play soccer at Roberts Wesleyan and it was their homecoming weekend so I got to see both of them play! All throughout the game, Kelly's mom, Sandy, kept us updated and then we learned that Kelly was going to the hospital! After my cousins games ended, my mom and I went to the hospital. Kelly was in a lot of pain, but doing so good for the amount of pain. We stayed there for most of the night until about 11:00, then decided it was time to go home, because she probably wasn't going to have her until the early hours of the morning. Right before we were leaving, she got an epidural to help her with the pain. In the morning about 3:30am, we received a call from her mom, saying that she had her!